Chronic Heartache
by AlfredLovesScones
Summary: KukaDase Shonen-ai. As Kukai's graduation approaches, he's growing more and more distant from his friends. Desperately clinging to the hope that he can find a permanent place in the hearts of his friends, he becomes irate and and irrational. After a fight with his best friend, Kukai loses his heart's egg. Will Tadase be able to reopen Kukai's heart- before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

_I'm not in love  
this is not my heart  
I'm not gonna waste these words  
about a girl_

The spiky-haired brunette lay in bed on his stomach, his cell phone's alarm blaring the chorus of his favorite song. He reached to his bedside table and searched blindly with his left hand, knocking a Paolo Maldini action figure and a rotting half-eaten apple to the stained carpet below. He grabbed the phone, instinctively identifying the buttons for his password. The music stopped and he opened one red, sleepy eye to check the time- 7:20! He was late!

Kukai tumbled off his bed and jumped to his feet, quickly rummaging through his drawers for his uniform. He shrugged on his shirt and clumsily buttoned it. He changed into a pair of wrinkled but clean shorts and grabbed his jacket and cape from the back of his chair and ran out his bedroom door, slinging his worn satchel over his shoulder. Daichi floated behind him, sleepily rubbing his eyes.

Downstairs, his oldest brother was reading the newspaper. He glanced up indifferently and grunted a greeting at his disheveled kin and returned to the sports section. Kukai ignored him, running through the messy kitchen (Rento had been cooking) to the front door. He flung it open and ran smack into another person.

They went down hard, Kukai and the stranger's combined weigh sending them both sprawling on the wet concrete. Kukai realized with a start he had tackled the King of the guardians! He quickly righted himself and pulled the small boy to his feet. He brushed the snow out of his oldest friend's hair.

"Morning, Hotori!" Kukai laughed, running his fingers through his own messy hair. Kiseki sniffed at the Jack's enthusiasm. "What are you doing here?" Tadase laughed. It was a beautiful, heartwarming sound that filled Kukai with joy.

"Souma-kun," he admonished. "You look terrible!" Kukai's face reddened, now noticing his appearance. He looked away in embarrassment. Tadase chuckled again. "Let me help you with that." He reached up and fixed the buttons on the taller guardian's shirt and smoothed out the wrinkles. Kukai's blush deepened as his friend buttoned his collar and attempted to tame his wild hair with his delicate little fingers.

"It's fine," he snapped, a little louder then he intended. He turned away, ruffling the spikes back to their usual wind-swept look. He didn't want to meet Tadase's eyes, which he correctly guessed were filled with hurt.

"I'm sorry, Kukai-kun," he sighed, barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean to offend you." Kukai shook himself and turned around with a big (slightly forced) grin in his face.

"It's all good, Tadase!" he assured his friend. "Why did you come out here, anyways?" Tadase looked away uncomfortably. Kukai cocked his head to the side, confused. "Hotori? Are you alright?" The blonde boy rocked back and forth on his heels, looking very nervous. He looked up with a pained look in his eyes.

"It's nothing, Souma-kun. Let's get to school." Kukai decided to drop the issue. It wasn't like him to dwell on matters that didn't concern him. The two boys headed on their way, not chatting easily as they usually did, but looking down, at the sky, at passing cars, anything to avoid a conversation. Kukai wondered what had happened between the two of them. Recently, Tadase had been too busy with guardian work to spend afternoons with his best friend, and that made Kukai indescribably sad.

"We're here." Kukai was dragged out of his musings by the soft voice. They quickly ran into the school, parting without a word as they went their separate ways. Kukai slipped into his seat just as the bell rang. He breathed a sigh of relief, barely hearing the teacher call roll. The rest of the day, Kukai wandered from class to class in a daze. He was concerned about his friend's behavior, and was equally relieved and nervous when it came time for the guardians' meeting,

"Kukai-kun!" called a sweet voice from the doorway. Kukai blinked and realized he was the last person left. He looked to see Nadeshiko leaning against the doorframe. "What are you doing? We're going to be late." Kukai shook himself and rose from his seat, grabbing his satchel and shoving the papers from his desk into it without caring to sort them. Nadeshiko tried to conceal her disdain at his poor organizational skills.

They walked together to the garden in silence. Kukai was sad. It seemed as though with his approaching graduation, everyone was growing more distant, even Fujisaki. When they entered the beautiful garden, Amu and Tadase fell silent. Yaya was nowhere to be seen. The newcomers slid into their chairs. Amu smiled half-heartedly.

"Afternoon, Kukai-kun, Nadeshiko-chan. Tadase and I were just discussing the upcoming tennis tournament…" she trailed off, as Kukai was gazing about listlessly. She quickly changed the subject. "Hotori-kun, have you seen Yaya?" He frowned and shook his head.

"Yaya ate herself sick on cake last night and had to stay home with a stomach ache." Nadeshiko gasped, spilling her tea on Temari's trailing kimono sleeves.

"That's terrible," she sighed, wiping the hot drink off the pink silk. " I baked her that cake myself." Amu giggled in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"But isn't that just like Yaya? I heard you tell her not to eat all at once!" The other members nodded, except for Kukai, who was glaring at a rosebush.

"Idiot," he muttered, not quite under his breath. Everyone gasped. Tadase wasn't sure he had heard him right.

"Excuse me, Souma?" he breathed, incredulous.

"I said," Kukai snapped, turning to face Tadase, "that Yaya was an idiot to eat the whole cake." Amu jumped up from her chair.

"How could you say that, Kukai?" she yelled. "Yaya's not even here to defend herself."

"It's true," Tadase said darkly. "That was unnecessarily rude." Kukai clamped his mouth shut and continued to stare at the bush. Nadeshiko took control.

"Let's get back on topic. We have to make preparations for the Sakura Academy tennis match in two weeks." For the rest of the meeting, Kukai hardly said a word. Soon it was time to go.

"Meeting adjourned," Tadase sighed. Amu yawned loudly, causing Nadeshiko to giggle. They all gathered their things. Kukai lifted his satchel and turned to leave. "Except for you, Hinamori-san. I'd like to speak with you." They all froze. He glanced pointedly at the Kukai and Nadeshiko. "Privately."

Getting the message, the Queen and Jack walked out together. Nadeshiko gave a half-hearted wave to her friend before heading home. Kukai set down his things and leaned against the glass wall. He could hear Amu speaking to his best friend, but couldn't make out what they were saying. He waited for a long time, he guessed about twenty minutes, before he heard them approaching the door. He pressed himself against the wall, waiting for Amu to pass.

"Goodbye, Amu!" Tadase called cheerfully. She turned and waved, a goofy smile on her face.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Tadase!" She turned and ran home. Tadase sighed contentedly. As he walked out of the garden, Kukai's hand shot out a grabbed the King's frail arm. The small boy whipped around to see Kukai's angry glare.

"I see you're on a first-name basis now," Kukai spat, tightening his grip on Tadase's upper arm, despite his apparent discomfort.

"Souma," he whimpered pitiably. "What are you-"

"You know very well what I'm talking about!" Kukai yelled, pushing him away forcefully. Tadase rubbed his arm, tears welling up in his eyes. The smaller boy stared at his friend, suddenly scared.

"I don't know what's gotten into you, but whatever's wrong, please don't take it out on Hinamori!" Kukai clenched his fists and took another step towards Tadase, who was slowly backing into the garden.

"This isn't about Hinamori," he growled. "It never was. Ever since she came here, we've been growing apart. Tell me why, Hotori! Why?" Tadase's violet eyes widened in fear as the tall boy backed him into the garden.

'K-Kukai," he stammered, "don't blame this on Amu. It was bound to happen sooner or later." Kukai stopped advancing.

"What do you mean?" he demanded, his voice dangerously soft. Tadase continued up the steps, never taking his eyes off of his angered friend.

"I mean," Tadase said coldly, "our friendship has been dying for quite awhile." Kukai couldn't believe his ears. "We never hang out anymore. When's the last time you took me out for a soda? Have you ever considered that maybe I was waiting for you to invite me?"

"How could you say that, Hotori?" he yelled, approaching Tadase until they stood nose to nose. He grabbed his collar and pulled him closer. "Do I mean nothing to you? Am I just a Jack?" He lowered his voice and dropped Tadase, looking away. "A servant? Your pawn?" Suddenly, Kiseki forced a Character Change.

_Smack! _Tadase's hand made contact with Kukai's face before either had time to prepare. Kukai stared incredulously at the small boy, shocked that he had the guts to hit him.

"How dare you address your king in such a manner?" Tadase's other half had taken over. "Don't you get it?" He laughed mirthlessly. "I am far superior to you. You are unworthy of my companionship." Enraged, Kukai stepped forward and lifted his clenched fist, punching the small boy in the right eye. Tadase staggered back several paces, tripping on the steps and landing on his behind.

Tadase was shocked out of the Character Change and stared up at Kukai, who glared right back with what can only be described as complete and utter animosity. He slowly reached up and gently touched his eyelids, which were squinted shut from the pain. A single tear rolled down his pale cheek. Kukai, feeling justified in his actions, calmly turned and walked out of the garden, grabbing his satchel and walking down the path to the main road, never once looking back.


	2. Chapter 2

Kukai ran all the way to his house, the icy winter air catching in his lungs as his legs pumped in a constant rhythm drilled into him through years of soccer practice. He looked at the ground, watching the nearly-hypnotic motions of his feet. He soon arrived at his driveway, which had been shoveled clear of the slush by Kaidou earlier in the day. He stomped up to the door, banging on it as loudly as possible while wiping his feet. Unkai opened the door, casually leaning against the doorframe as to bar the way in.

"Are you trying to break down the front door?" he teased, enjoying making his younger brother's life difficult. Kukai tried forcing his way through, but even with his greatest effort couldn't move his tormentor.

"Get out of the way," Kukai growled, frustration increasing. Unkai smirked.

"Aw, did da wittle baby have a bad day?" Kukai continued to struggle against the barrier that was his older brother. The tall young man chuckled in amusement at his sibling's persistence.

"That's enough, Unkai." The tall blonde was lifted off his feet as Kaidou grabbed him from behind and carried him inside, where he set him on the floor. Kukai walked inside and, without thanking his brother or even acknowledging him, stomped up the stairs to his room. The Kaidou and Unkai exchanged a look.

"What was that all about?" Unkai asked his elder brother. Kaidou shrugged his shoulders. Such matters were beyond him.

"I dunno. Puberty?"Muffled laughter from the other side of the living room drew their attention.

"My dear brothers!" The two brothers turned to see Rento sitting inconspicuously in an armchair in the corner where he had witnessed the exchange. He uncrossed his legs and stood spreading his arms wide. "Is it not obvious?" Unkai wrinkled his nose.

"Isn't what obvious?" Rento chuckled again, walking over to his brothers.

"It seems our Kukai," he said, leaning closer and lowering his voice, "is in _love_." The deep-throated, belly-shaking laughter that ensued was loud and raucous that Shuusui was drawn out of his study. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and watched with his arms folded in mild amusement at the spectacle of the two large young men cutting it up, slapping one another on the back, tears streaming down their faces.

"Rento," he called over the racket. "Care to explain?" The purple-haired brother walked Shuusui into the hallway where they could hear themselves think.

"I believe Kukai is in love." The bespectacled man attempted to process this particular bit of information, but couldn't seem to get past the "love" part. He shook his head.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Mr. Matchmaker, but that's just not possible. Maybe he's just sick." Rento cocked his head to the side and smiled.

"_Love_sick!" he insisted. Shuusui tried to elaborate.

"I mean, this is _Kukai_we're talking about. He can't even talk to a girl without blabbering on about sports, or challenging her to an arm wrestling match, or dragging her into a game of pick-up soccer. I just don't see it happening." Rento wasn't convinced.

"But Shuu, you've gotta look at the signs- he won't talk to his family, he's holed himself up in his room, he's being secretive about his day-to-day activities, he doesn't even practice soccer at home anymore! Really, what else could tear our little Kukai form his passion other than some beautiful girl?" Shuu sighed.

"I just don't know. You're the romantic- not us. You should talk to him." Rento nodded, seeing the logic.

"You really think I'm the only one who can help him?" He nodded.

"If what you say is true, he probably won't even listen to Kaidou at this point." Rento headed up the stairs.

"Hey," he called back down. "If I'm right, and he's just a lovesick puppy, you owe me some more of that expensive hairspray I love." The older brother sighed.

"Deal. But if I'm right, and he's just feeling under the weather, you owe _me_a new modem- you spilled perfume all over my last one." Rento rolled his eyes and bounded up the stairs. Shuusui headed to his study, already preparing the installation of his new software.

Rento lightly rapped on his little brother's door. There was no response, so naturally he opened the door and barged right in. Kukai was leaning on his windowsill, earphones blasting "What Lies beneath" by Breaking Benjamin. He had changed into grey sweatpants and a ratty blue t-shirt. The watery winter sun had set, and he stared out into the darkness. The second-youngest Souma brother snuck up behind his unknowing sibling and yanked the orange and green earphones from his head.

"Hey!" he yelled indignantly, reaching for the earphones dangling above his head. Rento gave them back, but moved some dirty laundry off his bed and sat, motioning for Kukai to do the same. Reluctantly, he turned off his music and trudged through the thick layer of miscellaneous junk and slumped onto the bed.

"Soooo-oooo," Rento prompted. Kukai glanced at him, then back at the floor.

"So what?" The older brother chuckled.

"Who is she?" The smaller boy blankly stared at him.

"Who?' Kukai clearly wasn't understanding, so Rento decided to step it up.

"You know… _her_. The girl you're in love with?" Kukai laughed out loud.

"_That's_what you think this is about?" Rento was puzzled.

"It is about that. Isn't it?" The young boy's face darkened.

"No. It's worse. Cursing to himself, Rento realized that he would have to find the money to buy his brother's stupid techno-junk. Then he realized his brother was facing some sort of problem.

"What is it then?" Kukai sighed.

"I got into a big fight with Tadase today. I think I gave him a black eye." Rento was concerned. If it had been anybody else, he wouldn't have worried too much, guys fight all the time, but Tadase was different. He's a little more timid, sensitive. Altogether much more _girly_.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he mumbled, wondering how to help his brother through this rough spot. "Was there any particular reason?" He waited for a response, but found none was forthcoming. They sat in silence for a moment.

"Yeah," Kukai sighed. "There was. My friends… It's like they don't want anything to do with me, even though this is my last school year at the elementary school." Rento arched his perfectly waxed eyebrow.

"I see. So you took it out on your best friend?" Kukai blushed and turned his head away. "That wasn't a very responsible thing to do." He glanced at his little brother and was surprised to see his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. He rubbed his back. "C'mon, Kukai, you gotta keep it together. The best thing to do now is go to Tadase's place first thing tomorrow to apologize. And don't just leave a message- make sure you say it to his face." Kukai sniffled and dried his eyes.

"You really think so?" Rento nodded.

"I'm sure someone like Tadase could find it in their heart to forgive you once you explain your emotions." Kukai smiled and did something he hadn't done in a long time- he gave his brother a long, heartfelt hug. It was the best reward Rento could think of, and gladly returned it. Heck, it almost made up for the lost bet.

Later that night, Rento walked into Shuusui's study where he was reading some thick, dusty book. The younger brother knocked on the doorframe and Shuu looked up, closing his book and standing up to stretch.

"So," he said through a massive yawn, "how'd it go?" Unwilling to admit defeat, Rento stalled.

"I can't know for sure yet. Give me some time." Shuu smiled cockily, sure he had already won.

"Okay, hotshot. You've got a month to prove Kukai has the emotional capacity to fall in love." Rento laughed, a glint in his eyes and extended his smooth, dainty hand.

"I'll take that bet." The two brothers shook hands. Meanwhile, upstairs, Kukai had taken to staring out the window again. He had no idea that down below, his brothers were scheming to find his true love- or ruin his life.

Bottom of Form


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as the Character Change ended, Tadase was a sobbing mess. His vision blurred with tears as he watched Kukai storm out of the garden. When he slammed the glass door, a flowerpot fell off a nearby shelf and shattered on the concrete, spilling the soil and new sprouts. Tadase gasped and jumped to his feet, running over to the young plant and frantically searching for a new container. None could be found. He watched helplessly as his roses began to wilt.

"No," he whispered, gently scooping one from the debris, ignoring the shards of clay that cut his hands. He stood and grabbed his bag and ran from the school. All the way home, he ran as fast as he could, his weak lungs barely sustaining his supply of oxygen. When he reached his street, he slowed down, winded. Instead of going inside, he walked around to the back garden. He didn't want his grandmother to see him like this.

He knelt by his flowerbed and dug a hole with his hands, his cuts stinging from the dirt. He worked on, planting the single rose in the cold, hard soil. He sighed, hoping with all his heart that it wouldn't die. He was planning on growing a bouquet of roses for Amu, but he guessed a single rose would suffice.

"There you go," he mumbled, talking to the flower. "You're going to be just fine." He sat in silence for a while, enjoying the beautiful blue of the sky. Soon he heard his grandmother call him in. It was time to prepare dinner. He climbed to his feet and walked in the back door, running to the bathroom and rummaging in the cabinet. With some concealor, he hid the bruise on his face as best he could, thankful for his elderly grandmother's poor vision.

After a dinner of rice and vegetables tossed in light _shoyu _sauce, Tadase led his grandmother to bed and went to take a shower. He stood under the stream of water, willing it to wash away his troubles. Yet he still felt terrible when he stepped out onto the cool tile and dried his hair, tying the towel around his waist. He didn't stop to check his black eye-it's image was still implanted painfully in his mind. He padded down the hallway, hurried by the cold air on his wet skin.

Once in his room, he leaned against his door, sighing with relief. He reached over to his own personal thermostat and cranked up the heat. He opened his top drawer, selecting his warmest pajamas and enjoyed the softness that reminded him of his dog, Betty. It was times like these that he really missed her deep, understanding brown eyes. He ran a brush through his blonde hair, but it was hardly necessary as it always dried perfectly without assistance.

Stifling a yawn, he turned off his light and slid between his sheets, pulling his quilt around him. As he began to nod off, he thought again of Betty, and for some reason, Kukai. How strange, he thought, for Betty to remind me of Kukai… He began to cry, not just tears, but violent, body-wracking sobs. He cried himself to sleep with the haunting images of Betty's death and Kukai's face in his head.

The next morning, Kukai waited outside the intimidating front gate, unsure of himself. He timidly knocked on the solid wood, wincing as the sound echoed around the empty street. He shivered, zipping his forest green fleece jacket up to his chin. His breath fogged in the early morning air, and he was tempted to go home, but the thought of Tadase not knowing the truth broke his heart.

After waiting for several minutes, Kukai realized that neither Tadase nor his grandmother were awake. He took several steps back and, running full speed leapt onto the wall, frozen fingers just barely gripping the top. With tremendous effort, he was able to pull himself up and over the wall. He balanced precariously on the edge for a moment, then moved to jump down. When he shifted his weight, he placed his foot on an icy patch and slipped, crashing down into the bushes below.

He rolled off the bare plants and dusted the snow off his faded jeans and checked himself for injuries. Satisfied with his physical condition, he walked around the house to Tadase's window. He climbed up onto the wraparound porch and peeked in. The blonde boy was sleeping fitfully, his bed a tangled mess of sheets. After watching him for a moment (he found Tadase's sleeping rather interesting) his breath fogged up the glass, so he left a message rapped on the glass with his knuckle.

"Meet me at the door," it read. He walked around front. Inside, Tadase stirred and slowly opened his eyes. He saw the words on the glass and immediately knew it was Kukai. He glanced at his alarm clock- 6:45. He was tempted to go back to sleep, but couldn't bring himself to ignore his best friend. Well, ex-best friend, he thought miserably, swinging his legs over the side of his bed and sliding his feet into his slippers.

He put on a purple windbreaker as he walked through the hallway to the front door. He took a deep breath and opened the door a crack to see Kukai standing there in the cold looking at the ground. They stood in silence, neither wanting nor willing to start a conversation. Tadase stared at Kukai, and Kukai stared at Tadase's feet. Unable to bear it any longer, the younger boy took charge.

"What are you doing here, Kukai?" It was an innocent question, but hinted at his displeasure with his unexpected appearance. The brunette shrugged and tried to look indifferent.

"Well," he countered, "maybe I wanted to spend the first day of the holidays with my best friend." Surprised, Tadase wasn't sure what to do. He opened the door a little wider and stepped aside, wordlessly inviting him in. Kukai took up the offer gratefully, happy to get out of the cold. Once he was inside, he looked around. The living room furniture had been rearranged since his last visit. Tadase silently sat on the creamy white couch. Without waiting for direction to do so, the Jack sat beside his King.

Kukai's heart sank when he got a good look at his closest friend. The younger boy looked terrible. His usually perfect hair was wild and tangled, his normally flawless complexion was blotchy, and his good eye was puffy and irritated from crying. His right eye was swollen shut, the skin around it dark purple.

"Hotori-kun," he started uneasily. "I acted out of line." More silence. Kukai remembered his older brother's advice, to not press Tadase too hard, and hear him out before assuming he's fine. The other boy refused to look at or respond to his friend. The older boy sighed. "We both said things we regret."

"Is that so?" Tadase asked coldly. "Because I don't regret a thing." Kukai gritted his teeth. He understood his friend's anger- in his place, he would probably act the same way. But it was still maddening to think that, despite their years of friendship, the King wasn't going to forgive him right away.

"Tadase," he pleaded, abandoning stiff formalities, "I came to apologize. I didn't consider the consequences of my actions. I understand if you don't want to forgive me at the moment." Tadase shook his head.

"You're right, Souma. I can't forgive you after what you did." Kukai began to shake with both anger and sadness.

"Look, I know I hurt you. I've never done anything more stupid. But I want you to listen to me now." Kukai grabbed Tadase's face, forcing him to look directly into his intense emerald eyes. "You and the others don't seem to want me as a friend anymore. What am I doing wrong?" Tadase tried wriggle out of his grasp, but was overpowered by the older boy. He gave up and stared right back at him.

"To put it simply," he stated, "we got tired of you pushing us around." Kukai released the younger boy in shock.

"What?" he whispered. Tadase scooted away.

"I said," he spat, volume increasing with every word, "that you're always acting like you're in charge. You never give anyone else a chance to share their ideas. You're just too overbearing." Kukai couldn't believe his ears.

"Tadase… Why didn't you tell me?" The small boy continued to shrink away.

"We were scared of you, Souma." Tears began to form in Kukai's eyes, but he turned away to hide them. He was shocked. All this time… Was he really just a bully?

"I understand," he muttered, jumping up from the couch and storming across the living room to the front door. Tadase scrambled up after him to have the door slammed in his face. He watched from a window as his old friend disappeared around the corner.

He sank to his knees as the impact of what he had just done sank in. Kukai was trying to apologize and he came up with a blatant and horrible lie because he wanted to have to last word. Suddenly, his cell phone started ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket to see it was Amu. After hesitating for a moment, he accepted the call.

"Hello?" he sniffed, holding back his tears. He could hear laughter and music in the background,

"Tadase-kun?" Amu's voice crackled through the phone. "Are you okay?" He dried his eyes.

"Yeah. Where are you?" he asked.

"I'm at Yaya's place. She's having a party and wants you to come over." Tadase's heart sank.

"Sorry, Amu. I have to… um… pick up my grandmother's medication." he lied. He heard Amu cover the phone and yell something to Yaya.

"Can't you come after you're done?" Tadase frantically searched for an excuse.

"I'm… not feeling too well. I think I've got the flu." Amu tactfully ignored his blatant lies and took the hint.

"I see. Get better soon, Tadase, or you'll spend the whole holiday in bed!" He smiled, glad to have such a good friend. "By the way, have you seen Kukai since yesterday's meeting?" Tadase's heartbeat quickened at the memory of his unpleasant encounters with his friend.

"No, I haven't," he lied again. There was silence for a moment.

"I've got to go, Tadase. Call me later?" she asked, oblivious to his pain.

"Yeah. Of course. Bye, Amu." He hung up without waiting for a response. He stared out the window again. He wanted to hate Kukai. He really did. But he couldn't bring himself to hold it against him. He buried his face in his hands. Oh, Betty, he thought. What do I do now?


	4. Chapter 4

"Kukai, you IDIOT!" _Bang! _The oldest guardian's fist slammed into his bedroom wall. He quickly jerked it back to see blood running from his knuckles to his fingertips. He stemmed the flow with the hem of his shirt, not caring about the permanent stain it would leave. The Jack had been home for six hours since the morning's incident and had only left his room once to eat lunch in silence then returned to sulking.

He walked to his open window, slamming it shut to drown out the birdcalls outside. He glanced at his Maldini figurine, a birthday present from Tadase, and snatched it up, tossing it into the already-full trash bin in the corner where it bounced off and hit the floor, earning him a satisfying snap as it's brittle arm broke.

"Kukai," Daichi whimpered from under a baseball mitt, "what're you doing?" Kukai ignored his green-haired Shugo Chara and continued to storm around the room, tearing down posters and throwing whatever he could get his hands on, all the while uttering incoherently to himself. Daichi cowered away from him, fearful of his sudden rage. He wondered what could have caused his friend such anger.

"How could it be true?" Kukai asked no one, shredding his Keisuke Honda poster to bits. "I'm not like that. Hotori should know that." He blathered on, wreaking destruction upon his room. "Daichi," he suddenly turned on his Shugo Chara. "Am I…" he searched for the word, "…overbearing?" The small soccer player hesitated, realizing the instability of Kukai's heart.

"Well… you can be overly energetic." Kukai clenched his fists. "Not that there's anything wrong with that!" he quickly amended. The Jack nodded, satisfied with the answer.

"Why can't he see that? It's not like I forced him to be my friend all those years," he reassured himself. "Right?" Daichi hesitated once more, unsure of how to proceed.

"He really does care about you, Kukai. You know how sensitive he is- he's so nice all the time, a big fight every now and then is probably healthy for him." The brunette didn't listen, instead falling back on his unmade bed and pulling his phone out of his jeans pocket. He entered his password- Kiseki, Tadase's Shugo Chara, making a mental note to change it. He cringed when he saw his background image, an old picture of him and Tadase at an amusement park last summer.

Daichi watched thoughtfully as Kukai systematically deleted every picture, text, and video the King had ever sent him. Then, his thumb froze over the select button. Tears welled up in his eyes. He sat up and threw the phone on his pillow. Daichi floated over to look. It was a picture of the guardians celebrating his birthday in the Royal garden. He buried his head in his hands.

"Stupid," he muttered. "This whole thing is stupid. Why should I even care?" Suddenly, Daichi fell to the floor, clutching his chest and whimpering in pain. Kukai ignored him. "They were never my friends to begin with… So what should I care? They're useless… no… _I'm _useless…" Then, something snapped. He realized his friends were his entire life, and if they were nothing, then his life was nothing. His eyes lost their brilliant green shine, fading into gray.

"Kukai!" cried the Shugo Chara as a blue egg slipped out of his chest. The Jack fell sideways onto his bed. The egg split and began to close around Daichi. "No!" he yelled, desperately trying to force the pieces apart, but he was quickly overpowered. No one heard his screams when the dying egg closed around him. The colors faded away until it was pure black. Surrounded by darkness, Daichi felt himself weaken as an X appeared on his egg. Kukai's eyes began to close, but not before he saw his friend disappear.

"Daichi…" he murmured, slipping out of consciousness.

"Kukai! Wake up!" The youngest Souma brother's eyes opened slowly. He felt a hand grab his wrist, roughly pulling him into a sitting position. Instinctively jerking away, he lost his balance and tumbled off the bed, bumping his head on the wall.

"Ow…" he groaned, climbing back onto the bed. He looked up to see Rento's beaming face.

"Good morning, sunshine!" he teased, tousling his brother's hair good-naturedly. Kukai shook his head, trying to remember when he fell asleep. He'd had a terrible nightmare- Tadase didn't forgive him, then Daichi…

"Rento. How long was I out?" The purple-haired brother shook his head.

"You're turning into Unkai! You slept for nearly…" he checked his watch. "Seventeen hours! Are you feeling okay?" Kukai rubbed his eyes and nodded his head. His stomach rumbled loudly and he blushed.

"I am a bit hungry though." Rento's face lit up with joy.

"Excellent! Get dressed and come down stairs!" Kukai watched his flamboyant brother sashay out of the room, perplexed at his peculiar behavior. He shook his head once more to clear his thoughts. Then, he remembered Daichi.

"Daichi?" he called softly, searching the room. The Shugo Chara was nowhere to be found. A horrible thought struck him- what if it all really had happened. What if an X really had appeared on his heart's egg? He frantically searched the room, cursing himself for causing such a mess. "Daichi!" he cried, tossing his belongings about.

"Kukai!" Rento's voice drifted up the stairs. Kukai stood up slowly, not completely able to comprehend the fact that Daichi was gone. He felt himself go through the motions of getting dressed and seemed to float down the stairs. He blinked and was surprised to find himself in the living room.

"SURPRISE!" His gaze fell on Amu, Yaya, and Nadeshiko sitting on the couch. They jumped up and ran to him, hugging him tightly. He barely registered their greetings and nodded, letting them lead him to the couch.

"Kukai!" He blinked- he had zoned out. Amu was waving a cookie in his face. He took it, biting into it but tasting nothing. He forced a smile, for her sake.

"This is… uh… delicious, Hinamori! Did you make them yourself?" She nodded energetically.

"Yeah! Well, sort of. I used Nadeshiko's recipe." Temari whispered something in Nadeshiko's ear.

"Kukai," she said softly. "Temari says she hasn't seen Daichi. Where is he?" Ran popped up by his knee.

"We haven't seen him either," she said. Kukai frowned. He didn't want to bring it up.

"Well… uh…" he hemmed and hawed. Suddenly, a gust of cold winter air blew in from the door. They looked up to see a slender silhouette in the doorway. The person hesitated, then timidly stepped in, closing the door quietly behind them. Kukai gasped- there, standing in his house, smiling at him as if nothing had happened, was Tadase.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hi, Kukai." The Jack couldn't believe his eyes- how could he expect everything to be normal after what happened? His head was spinning.

"What… what…" he could hardly breathe. Nadeshiko gently touched his arm.

"Kukai," she said soothingly. "What's wrong?" Tadase took a cautious step forward, causing the oldest guardian to jump to his feet.

"I uh… don't feel so good," he mumbled, clutching his stomach and running out of the room. The guardians listened to his footsteps pound up the stairs and the slamming of his bedroom door. Amu and Nadeshiko exchanged a glance.

"Tadase? What was that about?" Amu asked him, bewildered. He sighed and removed his jacket, draping it over his arm and sitting beside Yaya on the couch. He picked at a thread hanging off the hem of his sweater.

"I got into a fight with Kukai." Yaya gasped and nearly choked on the peanut butter cookie she had crammed in her mouth moments before.

"But… but he's your best friend! Why didn't you tell us?" Amu frowned, forehead creased in confusion.

"Tadase-kun," she said softly, almost to herself. "You told me you hadn't seen Kukai since the meeting." Nadeshiko slammed down her mug of hot chocolate on the coffee table, spilling the burning liquid in Ran's ponytail.

"Did he hurt you?" she demanded, ignoring the pink Shugo Chara's cries of pain. When Tadase refused to look her in the eye, she character changed with Temari.

"ANSWER ME, TADASE!" she yelled, swinging her naginata that appeared out of nowhere at him threateningly. He nimbly leapt over the back of the couch, landing on his toes.

"Okay, okay! I get it," he submitted. The King pulled a blue lace-trimmed handkerchief out of his pocket and gently rubbed away the makeup on his eye. The girls gasped when he moved his hand to reveal his nasty bruise. It had worsened since the previous day. Nadeshiko jumped to her feet.

"I'M GONNA KILL THAT JERK!" Tadase grabbed his Queen's hand, her tremendous strength flipping him back over the couch.

"Calm down!" he pleaded. "Nadeshiko!" She sat down, tightly gripping Tadase's wrist, glaring at him. He looked away to hide his embarrassment. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have yelled at him…"

"Don't say that!" Surprised, the King turned to face Yaya. "It's not your fault!"

"Yeah!" Amu chimed in. "Kukai had no right to act that way." Tadase raised his hands in a placating gesture.

"Okay, I understand. But please, let me talk to him." Nadeshiko sighed.

"Fine. But if he lays a finger on you…" She raised her naginata pointedly. Tadase stood and walked across the living room. When he reached the stairs, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see the grizzly bear-like Kaidou staring down at him.

"I'm not sure what's going on," he grunted, "but you're the only one he'll listen to now. Help him out." The small boy nodded and headed up the stairs, watched by the oldest Souma brother. He nodded his approval and lumbered ponderously to his own room like a bear to its cave. It made one wonder how such a large man could be such a skilled athlete on the field. When Tadase reached Kukai's door, he suddenly lost his confidence. They'd been terrible to each other. He doubted even their friendship wouldn't hold after what had passed between them.

Then, he remembered the previous summer – he had been fishing at the beach on vacation with the Souma family as Kukai's guest. He had been alone on the pier, except for the old woman who ran the bait shop, a motherly woman the locals referred to as Obaa-san. Kukai was a regular, and to her, that made Tadase family. Obaa-san dozed in a chair nearby. Rento was tanning on the soft white sand, and the more athletic brothers were surfing. He would never admit it, but Tadase was afraid of the ocean. Instead of joining them, he feigned a stomach ache and stayed on the quiet pier where Obaa-san supplied him with a fishing pole and bait and left him to his own devices.

It was while he was sitting on that pier that a young girl of four or five came running around the corner, dangerously close to the edge. Naturally, the wood was wet from the recent summer rainstorms and slick from years of fishermen tossing their unused bait, the tentacles and fish guts rotting until they were plucked by passing seagulls. Her parents followed more slowly, burdened with coolers, bags, poles, and chairs. Tadase's watchful eye saw her nearly fatal tumble before she did. Her foot slipped in a pile of fish guts and she lost her balance and fell into the waves.

"Hinata!" her mother screamed. In an instant, the young King was on his feet. He jumped in after the girl, momentarily forgetting his inability to swim. The receding tide smashed Tadase into a pillar. Disoriented, he struggled to reach the surface, but saw the girl drift past him. He grabbed her by the collar and put her on his shoulders, pushing her up onto the pier where her father took her in his arms. Tadase wasn't so lucky.

The next few moments were a blur. His lungs filled with water and he was beginning to lose consciousness when a pair of string arms wrapped around him and powerful legs propelled them through the water. The last thing Tadase saw before passing out from exhaustion was a face… Kukai's face. He knew he would be just fine.

When he eventually came to, Tadase discovered Kukai had felt uneasy about leaving him alone and knew something terrible would happen. It was this overly protective attitude that saved his life that steamy August afternoon. Now, outside Kukai's door, he hoped that connection they had shared would be able to bring them back together.

He timidly knocked on the door, wincing a bit when he realized he couldn't go back. He heard a grunt from inside, remarkably similar to Kaidou's. He turned the knob cautiously, as if expecting it to shock him. He opened the door, pushing some wispy blonde hair from his eyes.

Kukai was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He did nothing to acknowledge his friend's presence, so Tadase entered, picking his way across the room, marveling at the older boy's ability to completely destroy a living space. He perched on the edge of the bed, ready to bolt at any sign of danger.

Kukai sat up and turned, sitting cross-legged beside his friend. Neither spoke, or looked directly at the other, each sneaking glances in when he thought the other wasn't looking. Tadase continued to think of their past relationship, how they protected and stood up for one another, helped each other in times of need and shared their laughter in times of joy. Kukai was thinking along the same lines. The small blonde's heart reached out to the tall brunette's as he realized his predicament- Kukai had lost his heart's egg. Tadase's heart ached so terribly for his friend. And that's when he realized how much he really cared about the aggressive soccer player beside him.

"Kukai…" he mumbled, facing the older boy. Kukai glanced up, meeting his eyes for a fleeting moment, then turned away. Tadase subconsciously reached into his pocket and pulled out a single rose. He looked down, shocked to see the flower intended for his longtime crush, Amu. Kukai seemed equally surprised. Before he could stop himself, he thrust the red bloom into his friend's hand. He froze, heart pounding in anticipation of Kukai's reaction. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, bracing himself for the blow he was sure was coming. He expected a fight, or worse, the end of their friendship. He was not expecting the altogether pleasant sensation of surprisingly soft lips brushing his own.

He opened his eyes for a brief moment, just long enough to wrap his dearest friend- _No_, he thought suddenly, _more than a friend_- in a warm embrace. He was elated to feel those same strong arms that had saved him a year previously around him again, but this time, it was Tadase doing the saving. He timidly kissed back, much to the relief of Kukai, who shifted and broke away to lift the small blonde onto his lap. His gentle fingers lifted Tadase's face to his own. They kissed again, finally realizing their feelings for one another. There they remained for a few more minutes until they were interrupted.

"Kukai?" The boys broke apart, quickly scooting away from one another. But it was too late- Rento stood in the doorway, eyes glittering with excitement. Both blushed tomato red while Rento skipped down the hallway chanting, "I knew it! I knew it!" Tadase jumped up and ran from the room before the purple-haired boy could do any damage.

Kukai blinked, unable to comprehend what had just happened. He had kissed Tadase. Tadase had kissed him back. In spite of losing Daichi, he felt a little of his old can-do attitude return. Somewhere, deep inside him, he knew he had the power to bring his Shugo Chara back. He lay back on his bed, still remembering the feeling of holding Tadase like a princess.

"Don't worry, Daichi," he whispered to himself. "I'll find you. Somehow." He smiled, giddy with the sudden rush of emotions. He wanted to scream it from the rooftops. Instead, he yelled into his pillow, "He kissed me back!"


End file.
